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So yeah,…since the day that Melissa and I had broken up, my phone book had 134 numbers. As it stands now, that number has gone up to 186. All in all, 4 of those numbers are homeboys, 3 are cousins and the other five are secondary lines to the remaining 40 new individuals, all of whom are girls, and have expressed a certain brand of interest in yours truly.

I am genuinely flattered by each, but uh… really though….wtf am I thinking??? I must be trippin. Granted, there was a criteria for each to meet before a number was accepted, I just don’t find myself attracted to anyone else right now. It’s a weird fuckin thing to me….doesn’t every guy want a long list of hoes to turn to? So what’s wrong with me?

This is what it is. Some of these girls get my interest, but I always ask for last names, they usually don’t know why I do that, but I do it to look for these girls on Myspace or Friendster,…and some of these girls that I’ve found have boyfriends!!! Like #’s 167, 173, 181 and 159 (159’s boyfriend is a homeboy I ain’t seen in hella long!!! wtf??? I talk to her on occasion though)

The only one’s that are even close right right now, I’d much rather have as my friends. I’ve been out with #164 a lot lately, and while hints to a deeper connection are made, I do my best to avoid further discussing those possibilities because I simply love talking to that girl and there’s no physical attraction at all. Alden says I lead most of them on,…but I guess that’s just the way I talk to those whose presence I enjoy.

#179 is cute, seems to be genuinely interested in the shit I’m going through, but is ghetto than a muthafucka!!!! Usually, it’s a turn on,…but dayam,…there’s a limit! Smokin up with her when she get’s home from Vegas on Sunday though.

#170 is much too hot and cold for my taste, but is good at feeding me, #150 was the CLOSEST so far, but is so far away and angry at me that I don’t even think we’re friends anymore, #184 cuddles well, tries to kiss,…but that’s a little fast and not what I want right now, and #182 smiles almost exactly the way that #150 does so I guess I couldn’t help but be attracted to her,….that is up until the point where she was sitting on my lap and told me that she was seven-friggin-teen!!! (Thanks a lot Dana and Annie!!!! YOU COULDA TOLD ME THAT @ RED ROBIN’S YOU BASTARDS!!! yup,…182 is rustic girl hahaha)

Camille Velasco was so busy that I had literally just one minute to dance with her, and I never got the chance to even ask to exchange numbers cause of her stupid security bitches >=oP

The rest of the numbers are just there. I’ve never called any of the rest of them, though some have called me.

So what’s the point of this blog? This is just to show some of you guys (my actual friends) that you’re wrong and it’s starting to irritate me.

True- I am not looking for anything at all,…I don’t feel like I’m going to go out and find the perfect person if I just try hard enough & I’m not even ready for that as it stands. You’d be right if you thought that.

False- I am not shutting everyone out. If that’s what you think,…it’s a damn lie. I’ve given plenty of people chances, so please,…don’t get in my face about it or act like you know what’s best for me right now,….I’m a grown ass man and i do what I want.

And because I do what I want,…I’ll take care of myself. Thanks for loving and caring for me,…but I’m done being polite about it. You know me…I stay alone when I want,…and I f*ck when I want, and no one controls that but me. Sorry if you can’t take it, but that’s how it is.

I won’t keep secrets though….everyone knows why I’m like this, and don’t think I have room to even lie about it,…so I’ll just keep with the theme. All the numbers I’ve mentioned so far can’t stack up to #1 in my phonebook. You only need one guess to know who that is, but yeah,…maybe one of these numbers can change my mind about that one of these days. I’m in no particular rush. I’m moving anyway so I don’t think it’d be responsible to start anything anyway…..then again,….184 is moving to Long Beach this friday….hmmm,….NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I’ll just stay faithful to myself and make sure I deal with the voids in my life by myself before I just try to use someone to plug it. I may be mean for not calling some of these girls back,…but I’m a gentleman enough to not do that to anyone….can you understand me now??? Please do,…thanks everyone,…and be easy…. Love you guys mucho.

-Jus

Goin out of my mind. Missin people I thought I never would. What the hell man? Nobody really knows what’s going on but me. I don’t know how long i can keep it this way, but it seems to be working for me because its comfortable. Might not be the healthiest thing ever, but shit,…i’m comfortable with it. If you’re reading this blog,…then obviously you’re involved enough in my life to possibly be the reason for this blog,….you never know though…

I might just be at my own old habits. You know me,…i’m Justin…I thrive on creating awkward moments that others are just not prepared mentally for,…it makes me feel confident. But on the other hand,…what if I really do miss someone out there that my pride will just not allow me to admit.

Noone knows. Not Dom, not Nikki, not Kat, not Lot, not Missie, not Dana not anyone but me and the walls i’ve put up between myself and others to preserve the last bit of comfortable confidence i have left. Sorry guys…..you really never know.